"Put your paws up."

W

ell, that's demeaning. But I'll do whatever it takes to get out of my cage- and for a few bites of that cake I saw him bring in. Maybe he'll pat me on the head and tell me what a good girl I'm being. I've been cooped up all day and I'm ready for some play time.

"Speak."

B

ut I know what he really means. "Woof! Woof!" I say, panting and sticking my tongue out, while I wiggle my a** back and forth and let my t*** graze the backs of my thighs. If I make the sounds and do the motions he's expecting, I know I'll be generously rewarded.

"Play ded."

O

kay, maybe from embarrassment. This one isn't hard to do. I'm such a mess. He put the cake in a blender with ice cream and funnel fed it to me. He wanted a cute puppy, but I think I just completed my transformation into plump pig.

CouchQueen

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